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True Crime on Campus §52: pigeons, ducks and other birds

Featuring explosions, nudity, pre-medieval weaponry, pigeons and really bad parking Paul Greatrix presents the triumphant return of true crime on campus.
This article is more than 5 years old

Paul Greatrix is Registrar at The University of Nottingham, author and creator of Registrarism and a Contributing Editor of Wonkhe.

The action never stops on campus and it’s been some time since we’ve had some real true crime reports here. In the meantime our outstanding security staff have had to cope with even more challenging situations.

There are many examples previously published here in more than 50 editions of True Crime on Campus, the very best of which appear in the book of the same name.

Of course our security team deals with much more than the incidents reported here. Similar services are performed by security teams at universities across the country. Everyone in the sector has much to be thankful to them for.

It’s about time then we caught up on a few recent incidents including some exciting avian action:

The mysterious disappearing nudist

22:25 Security received a report from a Hall Porter that fireworks were being set off. Security were making their way there when a further call was received from the Porter to say it was outside of university grounds.

0130 Fire alarm in hall, security attended the cause of the activation was found to be due to food being cooked for too long in a microwave. The Hall Manager and Safety Office to be informed.

13:05 Security investigated reports of a male hitting golf balls on the downs for his dog to chase, nothing was found.

03:45 Security received a call to attend hall to investigate claims of a naked student running around the corridors. On arrival no one matching the description was found.

1055 Report of pigeons in Business School North, Security attended and closed the door the pigeons had been using to gain entry to the building.

0300 Security assisted a student in looking for their wallet which they had lost while urinating in bushes adjacent to North Entrance.

Sock agony for student

2145 Report of the theft of 6 socks from the laundry in hall, Security attended, police not informed. The student was annoyed as the socks which were taken were one from each of 6 pairs – leaving them with no matching pairs.

0820 Report of a swan in bushes adjacent to Maths Building, Security attended – the swan was observed. The swan was left where it was following the advice from RSPCA.

1700 Report of a gun on a wall adjacent to AMB Building. Security attended the gun was found to be a cigarette lighter in the shape of a pistol. Officers removed the item.

01:32 Security received a report of loud music coming from a room in hall. On arrival there was loud music coming from a room. Security knocked on the door but there was no response. Security entered the room to find the loud music was coming from a TV. The occupant in the bed was fast asleep and snoring. Security were unable to wake the occupant so turned off the TV and left the room. Hall Warden informed.

1509 Report of a female armed with knives adjacent to Portland Building, Security attended. On arrival officers found a number of students from the Viking re-enactment society getting ready to go to an event.

Ingenious pigeon escape

1550 Report of a pigeon in Ingenuity Building, Security attended, and the pigeon was escorted form the building.

0001 Report of persons sitting on tractors at the rear of Nightingale Hall, Security attended – no one was found in the area.

0255 Patrol Security spoke to two males on mopeds who were riding on the slab parking area adjacent to Hall. The males were performing stunts on the mopeds. Security explained to the males that they could not do this on campus and had to leave.

1915 A student from Hall contacted Security as they were cold. Security contacted the Hall Porter who provided a heater.

2350 Report that a Student had been found in a bush at BGP. Security attended and spoke to the Student who was drunk and needed to go back to their hall of residence. Officers took the Student to Hall, the Hall Warden is to be informed due to the mess the Student made in the Hall Reception area.

The phantom screamer of Cripps

20:45 Students rang the Security Control room to report screaming noises coming from the vicinity of Cripps Health Centre, Security Officers attended the area immediately but could not find the source. The students were informed by Security to call again if any more sounds were heard.

0100 Patrol Security Officers were informed that a duck was in the Life Science Quad and could not get out. Officers were able to walk the duck through the building and out towards Highfields Lake.

0125 Patrol Security Officers found large rockery stones on Beeston Lane. Officers have been able trace those responsible to Hall, Security are to follow up and report to the Compliance and Investigations Manager.

0005 Report that Students were on the downs riding down the footpath on chairs taken from their study bedrooms. Security attended and gave the Students advice.

1550 Report that a driver was complaining that they could not get out of the parking bay they stated that this was due to the vehicle parked next to them. Security attended and spoke to the driver attempts were made to contact the owner of the other vehicle which was correctly parked. The driver who claimed to be blocked in drove off over a grassed area and low wall. There were sounds of damage being done to the vehicle as they drove off. The owner of the second vehicle will be contacting the other driver due to damage on their vehicle.

1510 Report that a bird was trapped in Business School South, Security attended and escorted the bird from the building.

… but is the light on when the door is closed?

2145 Report of no lighting in Flat 7, Security attended on arrival the occupant stated that the light in the fridge was not working. As the fridge was working Officers advised the occupant to report this to Estates Help Desk.

If you’ve enjoyed this or any of the previous editions of True Crime on Campus then you’ll be keen to get hold of the recently published book of the same name. You can order it for only a fiver (yes, just £5) directly from the University of Nottingham online shop or from Amazon if you prefer. The book includes an outstanding selection of the many hundreds of bizarre, unfortunate, inexplicable and just plain weird campus crime reports have appeared over the years.

At least half of any profits from the sale of this book will be given to support the Children’s Brain Tumour Research Centre at the University of Nottingham to create a brighter future for children with brain tumours. You can find out more about the work of the Centre here.

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